Divorce, as we all know, is the legal termination of a marriage. This conventional definition, however, overlooks the fact that many marriages today are breaking up without legal authorization. The only reason for divorce given in the scriptures is in the case of “unfaithfulness.” This means that no other reason—regardless of its seriousness—should lead a man or woman to pursue a divorce.
Having established this, we should focus on the situations that breed unfaithfulness in marriage. Unfaithfulness doesn’t just happen; there are conditions that lead to it. To prevent divorce, we need to consider both external and internal factors.
EXTERNAL FACTORS
Under external factors, we have:
- The influence of associations or friends
- The influence of family members
The Influence of Associations or Friends
Many marriages that ended in divorce can trace their root cause to associations or friendships. Unfaithfulness often arises when a man or woman spends too much time alone with someone of the opposite sex. This is particularly common in the workplace, where a woman might work closely with a male colleague or manager, leading to emotional connections that can result in unfaithfulness. Similarly, if a man and woman become overly fond of each other, they might spend excessive time together, call each other frequently, and ultimately develop feelings that are harmful to their marriages.
There must be boundaries in every friendship, especially with the opposite sex, for a married man or woman. It is also crucial not to discuss your marriage issues with friends, particularly those of the opposite sex. Confide in your spouse instead. If you experience difficulties in your marriage, work together to find solutions rather than seeking advice outside, as this can open the door to the destruction of your marriage.
The Influence of Family Members
The scripture says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh,” and “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Parental influence can be so strong that it requires a man to break away from it to have a successful marriage. Being overly attached to parents, especially when making decisions concerning your spouse, creates legal grounds for misunderstanding in your marriage and can cause your wife to lose confidence in you as a man. You must break away from the grip of your parents and “cleave unto your wife.” While consulting your parents might seem reasonable in some matters, it is essential to set boundaries and limits on their involvement in your marriage, as this will lead to happiness and joy between you and your spouse.
INTERNAL FACTORS
The internal factors for preventing divorce include Love, Respect, and Understanding.
Love
Love is a crucial ingredient for ensuring the continual existence of a marriage. It has always been emphasized that everyone in a relationship should be in love before marriage. You don’t marry out of pity or for wealth; you marry out of love. Marrying someone you’re not in love with can’t stand the test of time and increases the possibility of unfaithfulness. Marriage not centered on love cannot be enjoyed. The scriptures urge husbands to love their wives, highlighting the importance of love in marriage. If you’ve made a mistake in this area, the best thing you can do is pray to God to ignite love in your heart for your spouse. With Him, all things are possible.
Respect
Respect is given to someone you hold in high esteem, often based on admiration. Admiration fosters the desire to be with someone and to be associated with them. You naturally submit to the person you respect, which is why the scriptures urge wives to submit to their husbands. Marrying someone you don’t respect or hold in low esteem will inevitably lead to problems. If you feel you’re not respecting your spouse enough, it’s time to pray to God about it. In Him lies the success of every marriage.
Understanding
Understanding involves having a proper knowledge of someone. It also means being in agreement with that person. The word of God says, “Two cannot walk together unless they agree.” You must ensure you have a proper understanding of the person you’re marrying; this knowledge will help you navigate your spouse’s likes and dislikes and enable peaceful coexistence. Understanding doesn’t come fully during the courtship period; it takes years of patience to study your spouse. Remember, love is patient.
In addition to all these factors necessary for a lasting relationship, we need the help of God to protect and sustain our marriages.
Scripture References:
- Matthew 5:32
- Genesis 2:24
- Matthew 19:5-6
- Ephesians 5:22-25
