As a young person approaches and enters adolescence, he or she faces a brand new challenge, one that has profound implications for his or her future. That challenge is to answer the questions: “Who am I?”, “Where am I going?”, and “Where do I belong?”
Three Functional Areas
“The major task of adolescence,” writes Dorothy Corkille Briggs, “is the revaluation of self.” This revaluation uses the teen’s past experiences and influences, as well as the messages he or she receives from parents, teachers, friends, and society in general. These all combine to affect three functional areas in the young person’s estimation of himself or herself:
The Area of Appearance: Many parents have observed that a frequent side effect of adolescence is an inability to pass a mirror without stopping. Young people are often intensely concerned about their appearance; they worry about their hair, their complexion, their clothes, and their weight. Any imperfection, no matter how small, assumes huge importance to a teen, and any criticism of the youth’s appearance is likely to be filed forever in his or her self-concept.
The Area of Performance: A teen’s estimate of himself or herself is also formed by how the teen – and others – view his or her developing abilities, skills, and intelligence. “I am no good at math; I must be dumb.” “I stink at sports; I’m such a klutz.” “I flunked my driving test; I can’t do anything right.” Such experiences and sentiments can contribute to a poor self-image.
The Area of Status: The social structure in which a teen lives and functions (or malfunctions) can be complex and unforgiving. Young people are measured according to who they like, who likes them, whether they are popular, what kind of car they drive (or if they drive), what their parents do, where they live, etc. While such things may seem trivial to a parent or youth worker, they can be immensely influential in a teen’s estimate of his or her own performance and value.
Three Keys to Self-Concept
The areas of influence described above work together to help create the self-concept a teen holds in his or her mind and heart. Maurice E. Wagner points out that self-concept consists of three essential elements:
Belongingness: Wagner writes, “Belongingness is an awareness of being wanted and accepted, of being cared for and enjoyed. Our sense of belongingness is fundamentally established in infancy. Children develop feelings of belongingness when loving parents anticipate their discomforts and affectionately provide for their needs.”
Worthiness: Wagner writes, “Worthiness is a feeling of ‘I am good’ or ‘I count’ or ‘I am right’. We feel worthy when we do as we should. We verify that sense of worthiness when we sense others’ positive attitudes toward us and their heart endorsement of our actions. When others do not approve, but criticize us, we feel a loss of worthiness.”
Competence: Wagner writes, “This is a feeling of adequacy, of courage, of hopefulness, of strength enough to carry out the tasks of daily life-situations. True competence acknowledges one’s abilities as well as one’s weaknesses. Competence begins to develop in preadolescent years, but it grows into a more fixed attitude as a person finishes his teens. Competence is affected positively by successes, negatively by failures.”
Everyone—children, teens, and adults—wants to feel accepted, worthwhile, and competent. Unfortunately, the onset of adolescence often wreaks havoc with those feelings. “Youngsters often experience a decline in self-esteem as they enter their adolescent years,” writes Bruce Bower. “Social scientists have documented this trend—often more pronounced among girls—over the past 20 years.”
The Cause of Unhealthy Self-Esteem
It is dangerous to oversimplify the many varied factors that contribute to a person’s self-image. In fact, many social scientists still argue over the validity of several claims as to its cause. However, while not all contributing factors can be presented here, several are so clearly influential they must be mentioned.
Abuse: A direct correlation between child abuse and low self-esteem has been documented by a number of studies. In fact, K. Brent Morrow and Gwenddoly Sorell say that “severity of abuse was the single most powerful predictor of self-esteem” in their study.
The link between abuse and self-esteem is not limited to sexual abuse, or even to physical abuse. Psychologist Irwin Hyman estimates that “50 percent to 60 percent of kids today show some kind of stress as a result of emotional mistreatment at school,” such as sarcastic remarks from teachers or disciplinary actions meant to embarrass children in front of their peers. Mary Beth Marklein reported that “many mental health experts say tactics such as name-calling, ridicule, or sarcasm can rob children of their self-esteem.”
Parental Rejection: Researchers Joan Robertson and Ronald Simons reported that, according to a study they conducted, “perceived parental rejection was significantly associated with both depression and low self-esteem, with low self-esteem showing a strong relationship with depression.”
Young people who were raised in a family environment of excessive parental criticism, belittling, shaming—or of neglect and inattention—are likely to struggle with the adolescent task of revaluating themselves and their places in the world.
Faulty Thinking: Authors Bruce Narramore and Robert S. McGee are among many who point out that youth with low self-esteem often display wrong assumptions and faulty thinking. Some of those damaging assumptions and concepts are:
“I must meet certain standards in order to feel good about myself.” Such standards may be the standards of parents, teachers, or friends, or they may be reactions to the standards of those people (like the girl who determined she would never buy secondhand clothes because her parents always did). McGee points out that people who accept this belief respond in one of two ways. Either they become “slaves to perfectionism, driving themselves incessantly towards attaining goals (and basing) their self-worth on their ability to accomplish a goal,” or they despair of ever achieving anything good or ever feeling good about themselves. “Because of the past failures, they are quick to interpret present failures as an accurate reflection of their worthlessness. Fearing additional failure, they become despondent and quit trying.”
“I must have the approval of certain others to feel good about myself.” Acceptance of this false belief will lead young people to bow to peer pressure in an effort to gain approval. They may join certain clubs, “hang around” with certain groups of people, or experiment with drugs and alcohol in an effort to gain the approval of influential others in their lives. Some will do almost anything for a smile from a particular girl, for a laugh from the right crowd, for a nod of approval from a teacher or youth pastor because they base their self-worth on what they think other people think about them.
“Those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished.” Narramore writes, “We take in our parents’ corrective attitudes and actions just as we take in their goals, ideals, and expectations. To the degree our parents resorted to pressure, fear, shame, or guilt to motivate us, we develop a false assumption that says, ‘When I fall short of my goals or expectations, I need to be pressured, shamed, frightened, or punished.’” Because the teen years involve so much trial and error—or failure—this assumption can be devastating to a young person’s sense of self-esteem.
“I am what I am. I cannot change; I am hopeless.” McGee writes, “When past failures, dissatisfaction with personal appearance, or bad habits loom so large in our minds that they become the basis for our self-worth, the fourth false belief becomes established in our lives. If we excuse our failures too often and for too long, we soon find our personality glued to them.”
Finally, it must be mentioned that, to some extent at least, the revaluation of self that characterizes the teen years is often resolved successfully with the passage of time and the development of one’s abilities, skills, and intelligence. However, self-esteem is such a crucial element to physical, mental, and spiritual health that the wise parent, youth leader, pastor, or teacher will not neglect any opportunity to help a teen mature in this area as in others.
