As a young person approaches and enters adolescence, they face a brand new challenge, one that has profound implications for their future. That challenge is to answer the questions, \u201cWho am I?\u201d \u201cWhere am I going?\u201d and \u201cWhere do I belong?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Three Functional Areas<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “The major task of adolescence,” writes Dorothy Corkille Briggs, “is the reevaluation of self.” This reevaluation uses the teen\u2019s past experiences and influences, as well as the messages they receive from parents, teachers, friends, and society in general. These all combine to affect three functional areas in the young person\u2019s estimation of themselves:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Area of Appearance<\/strong> The Area of Performance<\/strong> The Area of Status<\/strong> Three Keys to Self-Concept<\/strong> Belongingness<\/strong> Worthiness<\/strong> Competence<\/strong> Everyone \u2013 children, teens, as well as adults \u2013 wants to feel accepted, worthwhile, and competent. Unfortunately, the onset of adolescence often wreaks havoc with those feelings. \u201cYoungsters often experience a decline in self-esteem as they enter their adolescent years,\u201d writes Bruce Bower. \u201cSocial scientists have documented this trend \u2013 often more pronounced among girls \u2013 over the past 20 years.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Cause of Unhealthy Self-Esteem<\/strong> Abuse<\/strong> The link between abuse and self-esteem is not limited to sexual abuse, or even to physical abuse. Psychologist Irwin Hyman estimates that \u201c50 percent to 60 percent of kids today show some kind of stress as a result of emotional mistreatment at school,\u201d such as sarcastic remarks from teachers or disciplinary actions meant to embarrass children in front of their peers. Mary Beth Marklein reported that \u201cmany mental health experts say tactics such as name-calling, ridicule, or sarcasm can rob children of their self-esteem.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Parental Rejection<\/strong> Young people who were raised in family environments of excessive parental criticism, belittling, shaming \u2013 or of neglect and inattention \u2013 are likely to struggle with the adolescent task of reevaluating themselves and their places in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Faulty Thinking<\/strong> \u201cI must meet certain standards in order to feel good about myself.\u201d Such standards may be the standards of parents, teachers, or friends, or they may be reactions to the standards of those people (like the girl who determined she would never buy secondhand clothes because her parents always did). McGee points out that people who accept this belief respond in one of two ways. Either they become \u201cslaves to perfectionism, driving themselves incessantly towards attaining goals and basing their self-worth on their ability to accomplish a goal,\u201d or they despair of ever achieving anything good or ever feeling good about themselves. \u201cBecause of past failures, they are quick to interpret present failures as an accurate reflection of their worthlessness. Fearing additional failure, they become despondent and quit trying.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI must have the approval of certain others to feel good about myself.\u201d Acceptance of this false belief will lead young people to bow to peer pressure in an effort to gain approval. They may join certain clubs, \u201chang around\u201d with certain groups of people, or experiment with drugs and alcohol in an effort to gain the approval of influential others in their lives. Some will do almost anything for a smile from a particular girl, for a laugh from the right crowd, for a nod of approval from a teacher or youth pastor because they base their self-worth on what they think other people think about them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished.” Narramore writes, \u201cWe take in our parents\u2019 corrective attitudes and actions just as we take in their goals, ideals, and expectations. To the degree our parents resorted to pressure, fear, shame, or guilt to motivate us, we will incorporate these strategies into our own repertoire, applying them not only to ourselves but also to those around us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy feelings are caused by others, and I cannot help how I feel.\u201d According to McGee, \u201cIt is a common belief that people, events, or circumstances force us to feel the way we do.\u201d Narramore adds that this attitude \u201cis a self-defeating attitude that leads to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Reversing the Process<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n What can be done to counteract the unhealthy self-image so prevalent among our youth? First, let us not become so engrossed in the symptoms we forget the disease. Just as we would not put a fresh coat of paint on dry rot, neither should we attempt to bolster a young person\u2019s self-image without dealing with the basic underlying problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Second, we must deal with the facts. The simple fact is, no one can cause us to feel anything \u2013 we decide for ourselves how we will feel. True, our feelings are affected by the actions of others, but the critical link between the two is our thoughts about those actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Third, our worth is not determined by others \u2013 not even by our parents. Although we were designed for relationships, our sense of worth is determined by the One who made us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Finally, when all else fails, remember that there is Someone who loves us and believes in us, even when we do not love or believe in ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bible references:<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a young person approaches and enters adolescence, they face a brand new challenge, one that has profound implications for their future. That challenge is to answer the questions, \u201cWho am I?\u201d \u201cWhere am I going?\u201d and \u201cWhere do I belong?\u201d Three Functional Areas “The major task of adolescence,” writes Dorothy Corkille Briggs, “is the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2389,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2388","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-emotions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2388","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2388"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2388\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2390,"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2388\/revisions\/2390"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2389"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2388"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2388"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thegroommagazine.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2388"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Many parents have observed that a frequent side effect of adolescence is an inability to pass a mirror without stopping. Young people are often intensely concerned about their appearance; they worry about their hair, complexion, clothes, and weight. Any imperfection, no matter how small, assumes huge importance to a teen, and any criticism of their appearance is likely to be filed forever in their self-concept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A teen\u2019s estimate of themselves is also formed by how they \u2013 and others \u2013 view their developing abilities, skills, and intelligence. \u201cI am no good at math; I must be dumb.\u201d \u201cI stink at sports; I\u2019m such a klutz.\u201d \u201cI flunked my driving test; I can\u2019t do anything right.\u201d Such experiences and sentiments can contribute to a poor self-image.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The social structure in which a teen lives and functions (or malfunctions) can be complex and unforgiving. Young people are measured according to who they like, who likes them, whether they are popular, what kind of car they drive (or if they drive), what their parents do, where they live, etc. While such things may seem trivial to a parent or youth worker, they can be immensely influential in a teen\u2019s estimate of their own performance and value.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The areas of influence described above work together to help create the self-concept a teen holds in their mind and heart. Maurice E. Wagner points out that this concept consists of three essential elements:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wagner writes: Belongingness is an awareness of being wanted and accepted, of being cared for and enjoyed. Our sense of belongingness is fundamentally established in infancy; children develop feelings of belongingness when loving parents anticipate their discomforts and affectionately provide for their needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wagner writes: Worthiness is a feeling of \u201cI am good\u201d or \u201cI count\u201d or \u201cI am right\u201d. We feel worthy when we do as we should. We verify that sense of worthiness when we sense others\u2019 positive attitudes toward us and their heartfelt endorsement of our actions. When others do not approve, but criticize us, we feel a loss of worthiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wagner writes: This is a feeling of adequacy, of courage, of hopefulness, of strength enough to carry out the tasks of daily life-situations. True competence acknowledges one\u2019s abilities as well as one\u2019s weaknesses. Competence begins to develop in preadolescent years, but it grows into a more fixed attitude as a person finishes their teens. Competence is affected positively by successes, negatively by failures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is dangerous to oversimplify the many varied factors that contribute to a person\u2019s self-image. In fact, many social scientists still argue over the validity of several claims as to its cause. However, while not all contributing factors can be presented here, several are so clearly influential they must be mentioned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A direct correlation between child abuse and low self-esteem has been documented by a number of studies. In fact, K. Brent Morrow and Gwendolyn Sorell say that \u201cseventy of abuse was the single most powerful predictor of self-esteem\u201d in their study.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Researchers Joan Robertson and Ronald Simons reported that, according to a study they conducted, \u201cperceived parental rejection was significantly associated with both depression and low self-esteem, with low self-esteem showing a strong relationship with depression.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Authors Bruce Narramore and Robert S. McGee are \u2013 among many who point out that youth with low self-esteem often display wrong assumptions and faulty thinking. Some of those damaging assumptions and concepts are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n